Amma

Amma and I spent the day together in an out-of-the-usual way, learning a lot about each other along the way. Normally, I drive her wherever we are going, so she would not be "inconvenienced" in any way. That day, she insisted that we take the Metro. She was a very approving passenger, looking around her with a smile at how clean and "civilised" it was. I assured her that the minute we were out of the train, we would be pushed around, in the usual Indian-ishtyle :).

We braved the blazing Delhi heat to go for a book launch (Breaking the Binary) about lives of people of different genders. I met up with a lot of friends there who were delighted that my mother too had come for the launch. She was the senior-most citizen in the room. Amma sat quietly and listened with interest to the presentations that explained issues of trans* people (as they are known). In the break, she pored over the book, reading about old forms of oppression, while learning new terminology at the same time.

It was a Saturday and I thought Amma would be tired by the end of that. She, however, was enthusiastic and wanted to check out road-side stalls and stores on the way to the Metro station. I suggested we go home by auto, but she outright rejected the idea. She didn't want to miss the return journey home! So we went back, chatting about people (of all genders) we had met/seen at the book launch and about the meaning of "gender assigned female (or male) at birth". I continue to be amazed by Amma's ability to absorb new thoughts and ideas. That was my learning about her!

As for Amma, she gained new knowledge that day. At 75 years that's pretty cool, isn't it?!

Age is just a number

Two people passed away in the space of a couple of days. Mami and Justice Verma.

Mami (meaning "mother's brother's wife") is a generic Tamil word for older women, usually someone's mother or relative. This Mami I am talking about is a relative's mother. I have been in this family for about 20 years now, and I met Mami for the first time about 6 months ago. She was a single woman, and lived by herself. The first time she met me, she beckoned me imperiously, grilled me about my life and gave me pungent opinions about things we were talking about. Her dancing eyes, sharpness of thought and speech and un certain joie de vivre made me realise how age is just a series of numbers strung together.

Mami (84) passed away a few days ago. She spent the morning doing her daily chores -- cooking, cleaning -- then went out to the bank for some work there. She came back, then went out again in the evening for a music concert at a place nearby. She got back home at 10.30pm, slept and never woke up. She brought up her children, saw grandchildren and great grandchildren. She lived her life on her own terms. What a life to live!

Justice Verma (80) was, of course, respected for his principled stand on many issues. One of those was the Gujarat carnage 2002. I watched a recorded interview on TV where he said (with a twinkle in his eye) that he could not repeat what he had discussed with Modi, and all he could say was that the Chief Minister was not happy at the end of it. His report leaves no doubt about the accountability of the Gujarat government in the carnage. Apart from other seminal documents, his final contribution was, of course, the Verma Committee Report. Using the Constitution as its framework, the Report lays out a well-constructed argument for the rights of women and the duties of the state. The document surpassed the expectations of many of us from the women's movement. And he did this in all modesty, acknowledging at each step, the active participation of what he called his "young team". Such a great legacy to leave behind.

I didn't know either of the them, Mami or Justice Verma. But they have left their indelible mark on the world they lived in. Strength, courage, outspokenness, conviction. These clearly, are not the exclusive domain of the young!

Myths and fact about the new rights-based law in India

FACTS AND MYTHS BY WOMEN'S GROUPS IN INDIA

THE CRIMINAL LAW (AMENDMENT) BILL, 2013, PROPOSED BY THE GOVERNMENT

The Justice Verma Committee (JVC) report was a landmark statement, applauded by all citizens, welcomed by all Political Parties. JVC was significant because it showed a mirror to the Constitution of India, and reflected its wise and just guarantees of women’s equality. Today the women and youth of India are looking with hope and expectation towards Parliament, and towards all Political Parties. We urge all Members of Parliament to pass a law upholding the spirit and letter of the Justice Verma Committee; to pass a law that makes a step forward in our collective struggle to end sexual violence in India.

Myth 1: The Criminal Law (Amendment) Bill 2013 is against men.

Fact: The new anti-sexual violence Bill is NOT against men. For our fathers, brothers, husbands, partners, neighbours and colleagues are men too. Are these Men in our lives not committed to seeking an end to the constant threat of sexual violence lurking around every corner? Yes, men must, and men do support this Bill. For this bill is against criminals. It is against the scourge of sexual violence, and seeks to prevent and protect our society from heinous sexual crimes like rape, molestation, disrobing and parading women or stalking.

We know that men too can be vulnerable to sexual attacks by criminal men. And we welcome the Bill’s recognition that both men and women can be victims of acid attack and provides protection to all ‘persons’ for these offences. But we further ask you, our Parliamentarians, to recognize that men must also be protected against the crime of rape and custodial rape committed by other men, and to change the definition of victim in section 375 and section 376 (2) to ‘person’ and not restrict victimhood in these instances to women alone. Men and women are and must remain partners in this battle against sexual violence. And all ‘persons’ deserve protection of the law against rape.

Myth 2: If the age of consent for sexual act is lowered to 16 years, this will encourage child marriage, prostitution and trafficking.

Fact: The age of consent for sexual relations in India has stood at 16 years for the last 30 years, since 1983. The age was increased without adequate public discussion in the Protection of Children from Sexual Offences Act, May 2012, 9 months ago, and later, in the hasty Criminal Law (Amendment) Ordinance of Feb 4^th 2013. The JVC report recommends that it be retained at 16 years as it always has been in the IPC, to prevent criminalization of young persons for consensual sex. Women’s groups are merely asking for it to be retained at 16 years, rather than increase it unthinkingly to 18 years.

Retaining age of consent at 16 years does not mean social or moral endorsement or encouragement of teenage sexual activity. The law is not asking young people to do this or that. This is merely an acknowledgement that if two young people consensually decide to engage in sexual contact, we might want to teach them and educate them but we do not want to treat them instantly as criminals, or consign them to custody. For that is what ‘age of consent’ means – it means that a boy who has sexual contact with someone below the age of consent is committing statutory rape. If that age is now raised to 18, it means that boys of 16-18 years, or slightly older, will be held guilty of committing statutory rape if they have consensual sex with another person who is also between 16-18 years. In such cases, the judge will have no discretion under law and will be forced to place such boys in protection home (if under 18 years) or in jails (18 or above).  

Indian society does not wish to treat as criminals and rapists young men and women who might engage in consensual sexual acts. For we must recognize that ‘criminalizing as RAPE’, the consensual acts of young adults, will make most vulnerable our young men, particularly those from marginalized communities. Third party complaints of statutory rape against young boys will force the Courts to condemn them to prison (if over 18) or protection homes for juveniles (if under 18) for committing no crime other than consensual sexual contact.

We must retain the age at 16 because raising the age to 18 years does not provide additional protection to young women against rape or sexual assault. It only serves to increase societal control over the lives and decisions of young persons, both young men and women. To protect their fundamental rights including the right to choice and sexual autonomy and agency, the law must keep 16 years as the age of consent for sexual acts. 

Why should the age of marriage be 18 years and consent for sexual acts be retained at 16 years?

The age of marriage must be retained at 18 years. Marriage is a serious commitment and entails many long-term responsibilities of life, and it is appropriate to keep the age of marriage at 18 years. But there is no merit or useful purpose served by keeping one uniform legal age for every act of a human being. Studies, surveys and research conducted across India, including in rural India, all indicate that young people are engaging in consensual sexual activity between the ages of 16-18 years. The anxiety and legitimate concerns of parents on this count is real and valid. However, the answer to that lies outside the law - in education in schools and within families, and communication between the parents, teachers and young persons.

Retaining the age of consent at 16 years is only to ensure that when teenagers engage in consensual sexual activity, it does not lead to young boys being punished and imprisoned. Retaining age of consent for sexual contact at 16 years does not have any bearing or adverse impact on the efforts to prevent child marriage, to which we all stand committed.

Will the age of consent at 16 years lead to more trafficking and forced prostitution of women and children?

It must be emphasized that key to the definition of RAPE is the absence of consent of the woman. Each case where there is such absence of consent must be treated as a crime and punished.

In the case of trafficking and forced prostitution this issue of ‘consent’ whether at 16 or 18 is totally irrelevant. In cases of trafficking or forced prostitution, the consent of the girl or woman at any age is neither free nor voluntary; it is coerced and hence in the eyes of law does not amount to consent. The issue of age is irrelevant in all cases of trafficking and forced prostitution. As pointed out in the Justice Verma Committee Report, the police and other powerful forces are complicit in the crime of trafficking and forcing women and children into exploitative work. The 2013 Bill has special provisions to deal with Trafficking and we must ensure that these are rigorously enforced by the police.

Myth 3: The offences of Voyeurism and Stalking will trap innocent men.

Fact: The offence of Voyeurism as defined in Sec. 354C IPC, is very specific and pointed in scope and has no possibility of misuse or abuse. In villages, towns and cities, we know that the poor do not enjoy the luxury of a private bathroom in their homes. This makes the young girls and women particularly vulnerable to sexual abuse even as they perform routine activities of bathing, attending to the call of nature in fields and open public places. They are always fearful of men who may use this occasion to watch them or take pictures of them as they perform these private activities. The offence of Voyeurism will punish a man who watches or records a woman while she is in any private act where her private body parts may be exposed. This offence seeks to uphold the dignity of women and makes the violation of their fundamental right to privacy a crime.

Stalking: The crime of stalking takes a serious toll on the life of women. Gripped by fear and anxiety due to being repeatedly followed by a man, girls and women have been forced to drop out of education, quit jobs and even change homes to escape the stalker. The rape and murder of the young law student Priyadarshini Mattoo, is a grim reminder that if the stalker is not stopped, he can rape and kill. Stalkers are also known to throw acid on their victims, as a way to take revenge. By making stalking a crime, the law can actually prevent rape and other forms of aggravated sexual crimes and save innocent women from being brutally sexually assaulted or killed. The codification of this crime will fill an important lacuna in the present law.  Only in situations where a man repeatedly follows a woman, either physically or through the Internet and this causes her fear or distress, will the crime of stalking be recognised as such.

Badams, pistas, peanuts -- and feminists!!

How seriously we feminists take ourselves! "Out there" is a place full of dark conspiracies, with the world out to get not only us, but other "vulnerable" people like us. We strategise to counter the violence, expose the plots and challenge the unseen. For this, we use various parts of our anatomy.

Minds and hands: We create posters, banners and placards with catchy lines ("My voice is higher than my skirt"; "Hum auraton ka hai yeh kehna, saal ka HAR DIN ho hamara!"). We draft statements, reports, articles and parchas (that's our favourite). We are convinced that what we are writing is the definitive piece that will make the world "see the light". That's for the outsiders. As for the insiders (feminists like us), we are sure that our writing is going to make everyone sit up and take notice and realise what an (uncut!) gem they have in their midst.

Voices and (very) vocal chords: "Avaaz uthaa, kadamon ko mila!" (raise your voice, walk with us). We share our personal stories (chuppi todo!) , talk and discuss about how to open up people's minds (at least, the close-minded ones, if no one else's), sing (sometimes tunelessly!) our andolan ke geet or movement songs and shout ourselves hoarse doing naarebaazi or sloganeering. We're not sure who is listening, but we plough on!

Legs. We walk in the corridors of power, lobbying with the powers-that-be to modify, amend and finally, accept what we think is right. We dance, in protest and in fun. We pound the streets, trying to convince passers-by to join us in our rallies and demonstrations. Most people think we are crazy; who has ever changed the world by walking? (Well, there was Gandhiji, of course, but then again, he was not a feminist, was he?!). Sometimes, all we have are aching feet and legs by the end of all that walking around, and not many people convinced!

Hands. Pumping our fists in the air in tune with the slogans, clapping our hands to songs and eloquently waving them around to prove our point during speeches. Definitely helps develop biceps, but I'm not sure what else it achieves.

Feminism, in short, is going to change the world! The world is going to rouse itself to accede that the people who hold up half the sky (i.e., women) have rights as outlined in various progressive (and dusty!) documents. And that it is the duty of each citizen to make sure that women access these rights. Feminism (we're sure) is going to make the world go round.

That's what we feminists believe anyway. The outside world may look upon us as rabble-rousing evangelists, ghar-tod mahilayein (home-breakers), bra-burning .. well, women (for want of a better word!) and a bunch of mixed nuts in a bowl. However, we mutter among ourselves about this "dark conspiracy" of character and "ism"-maligning, and reach out to pop whatever is available in our mouths -- badam, pista or peanuts!

Welcome the Ides of March!

"Hum parivaar ke jhanjhat ko, rudiyon ke bandhan ko,
Paratantri manas ko thukrake aaye ...
Hum naari daman mitaane, nari shoshan bhagane
Patiyon ke maar-dhaad bandh karna aaye ..
Hum apne behnon ke saath morche mein aaye ...
HEY JI REYYY .... HEY JI REY ..."
"Hum kheton, khadaanon se, kal kaarkhaanon se, Gaon aur shehron se ek saath aaye
Dekh-dekh o-rey andhkaal sainya aaye
Atyaachari tera naash karne morche mein aaye,
Hum apni behnon ke saath morche mein aaye ... 

There's something about Aath March. A sense of expectation, of sisterhood and solidarity, a renewal of our pledges to challenge the status quo and not stop demanding what is rightfully ours. Like the  song by Vibhuti Patel says, we leave behind our families, orthodox ways of thinking, oppression and violence, we set out from fields, mines and factories and walk with our sisters to join rallies and morchas. When women's voices lift together in the "Hey ji reyyy ... ", I hear my heart thudding in response. It is powerful to hear women reaching out to each other in unity and celebration!

March 8th is not a date, but that time of the year. March is a time for women to recharge (sometimes quite rundown!) batteries, reclaim spaces and remember sisters (fallen and alive) and their struggles in different parts of the country. We share personal stories and reiterate our political positions. I can smell the optimism in the air -- we can conquer the world, not in destructive ways, but in enabling and empowering ways. We take strength and courage from each other and keep marching on. Our battles for acceptance and rights will continue tomorrow, but NOW is our time!

Kamla Bhasin, in her rousing rhetoric, exhorts us to celebrate the day like a festival by singing and having fun with our girlfriends:
"Apna din hum manaaye to bada mazaa aaye,
Ise tyohaar manaaye to bada mazaa aaye,
Sakhiyaan mil-jul gaayein to bada mazaa aaye
Mauj-masti manaye to bada mazaa aaye!"

Yes, there's something about March 8th! 

Kabza karo!

The new year dawned forty five days ago.  I like starting off the year with warm thoughts full of optimism for the year ahead, of milestones to cross, birds to watch, mountains to climb and rivers to ford. There is a tang in the air (usually because of the cold January days) and a yearning to see what the months ahead will bring.

But here I am, six weeks into 2013, and I feel gagged. Shackled by the weight of my own insignificance and stifled by the inconsistencies I see around me. And yes, in myself too.

Yet, many things did happen, personally and -- dare I say it -- politically. So instead of ranting about the futility of things, let me show you the year that went by, with some memorable non-human pictures. (Non-human because, really, sometimes you just don't want to deal with the human rat-race.)

Today, millions of women and men will rise up against violence against women as part of the global One Billion Rising campaign. February 14, 2013 will have a different texture for many of us from across the world. We will be singing, dancing, speaking out against, chalking out strategies and pledging to end violence against millions of our sisters across the planet. This is our gift to ourselves this Valentine's Day, more precious than red roses, romantic dinners and jewellery.

The violence is endless. An adivasi woman was picked up under charges of being a subversive; she was sexually tortured and thrown into prison. However, her writings from inside the four walls of her incarceration have talked to us of steely will, courage and determination. That, in itself, is enough to boost flagging spirits. In Manipur, Irom Sharmila continues more than a decade-long struggle against abuse by armed forces. She stays connected to her life by a nasal drip, but is connected to millions of us with her strength. In Kerala, a woman flays us for not fighting for her adolescence and youth. However, gang rape by a long line of men over more than a month has in no way stopped her from challenging their impunity 17 lonely years after their dastardly acts. And then the woman in Delhi who fought off six men and died struggling. However, she left behind someone, also brutally assaulted that cold December night, determined to get justice for his friend. And as for the rest, from India to South Africa and beyond, she has left countless of us in turmoil at the oppression of women and girls, and has planted a resolve in people across the world to do whatever it takes to ensure justice. That will always be Anamika's legacy.

I am a part of collectives that is making its stand clear about the violence that women face. We are raising our voices and sending out clear messages about not accepting the status quo. About the role that ordinary people can play in acting against this violence. People have begun to sit up and take notice and understand that we, as citizens, are not as helpless as we'd like to imagine. We too, can bring about change in our environment, if we have the political will. 

We are seeing a change in some of the documents coming out from the government's stable. The syntax is almost inexorably changing, incorporating a language that speaks of rights of women, men and people of the third gender. However, right now, it is superficial and only at the level of the word; it has not yet translated into action by the state. Stubbornly optimistic, I believe that that too will happen.




So here's my thought for this year ... OCCUPY ...  kabza karo! Occupy mindsets that make arbitrary decisions for women, chalking out their course of life without their consent or agency. Occupy spaces and make women and girls more visible both inside and outside, within and without. Occupy patriarchy that uses violence as a weapon and women's bodies as a battleground. You can be the change you want to see all around you.

KABZA KARO!

Salaam Anamika!

There is so much to thank you for, where do I begin?

For living, for breathing and for being with us. All too brief was this life of yours. Yet you shook up an entire nation with your courage and your strength. You shattered our complacency and our chalta-hai attitude. Towards women, towards girls, towards the violence that splinters our lives into fragments. You showed us a path that is littered with patriarchal thoughts and actions, through which we have to navigate with care and caution.

You have inspired us, sister, by fighting like a tigress. Salaam to you!

We mourn your passing today, but hold our heads up high that we know you. That you belong to us women. All of us. All over this country. I know you and thank you for giving me the strength to carry on this war. For this is war!

I believe that you will get more respect and love in the place where you have gone. Be there for me when I join you there, tomorrow, the day after, or whenever it is my time.

Rest in peace, my sister. You have taken a part of me with you.